When Our Team Responds Poorly By Talking Behind Others Backs

We have seen businesses and teams pull together exceptionally well to handle the current economic challenges.  Many of the Plan B’s created years ago have been put into place (and a few of the Plan C’s).

While many of these plans are working quite well, in some cases the stress of what is happening is causing dissension. Individuals are talking behind others backs, criticizing co-workers without getting their side of the story, and backbiting. This is harming relationships by reducing communication and limiting business effectiveness. In some cases, it may prevent businesses from surviving.

The reason for this harmful behavior is that many individuals and teams are tired of “fighting the good fight”. They have limited time to communicate and resolve conflicts. Fear of what is occurring and what may occur is causing them to look for a way to place blame elsewhere.

When observing “backbiting” and talking about others behind their backs, individuals have several options:

• Participate in the discussion which adds fuel to the backbiter’s attacks.
• Walk away and leave the discussion for others to continue this poor and cruel habit.
• Stay, but remain silent.
• Say something positive about the person to counterbalance the negative points.
• Say, “I am not comfortable with us talking about someone like this when they are not present.”
• Ask, “Have you tried working this out directly with them?”
• Share a personal story of how you resolved a conflict by working directly with someone and not talking behind their back. Suggest they do the same.
• Practice direct conflict resolution procedures.
• If a rumor is being discussed, get the name of the person that told them, clarify the facts vs. embellishments, and ask, “May I quote you?”

Depending upon the situation, the choice made may involve a number of these options. As I have seen relationships damaged, I have become very opinionated as to which of these are useful tools. Those of you that know me know what I would do.

With the additional stress of current change, some people are responding poorly. This can reduce to ruins the effectiveness of a team. Next time you hear someone talking behind another’s back, ask yourself, “What is
the best response in order to keep the team enthusiastically striving together towards common goals?”